anti social

it's been awhile since i posted something. probably because there's not much to share anyway. life's getting boring and dull. i'm either to tired to have fun and be adventurous or usually i ended up enjoying something alone that later on i kinda felt sad because i didn't have anyone to share it with. i kinda have a feeling that i'm getting more anti social by days, honestly i don't think i've been making any effort in catching up with my friends. it's not that i don't want to but i guess sometimes i'm a bit afraid of rejection. not as in rejected like "no i dont want to be friend or hang out with you", more to like everyone would usually have things planned when i'm free or sometimes they dont even include me in there plan. woah, i'm not saying this because i'm offended but i totally understand that sometimes when you dont keep in touch with people on a daily or regular basis, people would tend to think that you're busy or you have something to attend to, that's why they didnt included you in their plan. so yeah, a bit of insecurity issue going on there especially when you see those people posting picture or updating their plan. but all is well because i, myself didnt even care to make any effort to be in touch. truth be told, i'm kinda tired of chasing people. i realised that whenever i chase people, i would usually end up being neglected or people dont take me seriously. can you understand why the insecurity kicks in? haha. all my life i've always been the one yg "terhegeh2" in friendship. probably people find that annoying, even i finds it annoying to sometimes, so this year in particular i decided not to be that "terhegeh2" girl anymore. i decided to be more independent which somehow turns me into a more anti soc girl. haha funny aint it. so nowadays whenever i felt like doing something, and feeling like i want some company, i would ask people if thay wanna tag along but if they said no or they're busy and yada yada. instead of cancelling the plan, i always end up doing what i wanted to do alone, be it watching movie or theatre, trying out new places and other activities. i realised that it's more fun and enjoyable to have company but the fun should not stop even if you don't have any company. omg, now i'm sounding like a forever alone girl, which kinda suits me right now. being anti soc is sometimes sad and depressing but i've realised that u cant always seek people to follow my desire especially when everyone now has their own commitment. so what this anti soc have in store for future, probably a solo trip somewhere. hehe. but i kinda have the feeling that it would be hard to get approval from my parents to travel alone especially being a girl and blah blah blah. probably i should try and plan a solo trip somewhere in malaysia before planning a solo trip abroad, probably after a few solo trip in malaysia, my parents would be less reluctant to let me go abroad alone. finger crossed. hehe. 

i used to dream of travelling around the world with my mr. right. but probably there's gonna be few ammendment before i could achieved that. somehow i'm not convinced that i would end up getting married anytime soon nor later. i mean, come on if you were to think about it, i havent finish my degree, and my mama said to finish my study first before getting married. by the time i finished studying, it's gonna be awhile to find the right one. then time flies, and there goes my youth. see, why i'm not convinced bout me getting married. i might end up like the story old lady with 19 cats (is it?) except that instead of cat, because i kinda have a lil fear ( not fear la but geli) with kucing, i might end up with 19 different gaming stuff. hahaha. 

ok this anti soc kinda dh merepek sgt, and it's almost 4am, i better sign out and get some sleep. adiossss

signing out with love,

lalaqla

3.59am 

12:9:2014