Of wedding and trying to be a better me.

Hey, it's been awhile since i last blogged. A year perhaps? Tons of things had happened and the most recent one would be my bestie's wedding. Gosh, the girl that i grew up with is now married to the love of her life. And i must say i'm very happy for her knowing that she had managed to find one fine man. Girl, i wish you all the happiness in the world and if there's a day that he hurt you by any means, please come to me and i'll show him who he shouldn't mess with. 

You know funny thing about attending wedding nowadays, people especially my own family member would always end up bombarding me with the "when are you getting married?" I guess i'm at the age where i should be getting married. Luls. Yeah, my mum got married at the age of 24 and my sister in law got married at the age of 22. Gosh, i guess the pressure is really getting to me. But am i prepared to get married? Honestly, ask any girl in the world, who wouldn't want to get married, every girl in the world have their own dream wedding, but like the malay saying, jodoh and ajal tue takda siapa yang tahu. Who knew maybe my mr. Right is just right in front of me but the timing is not right yet. So till then, i guess i'll just have to wait for the "knight in shining armour" to come. 

What i've realised when i started to like someone, i'll always end up changing myself trying to impress him. I guess that's why it never worked out. It's very funny too that my friend keep asking me to change so that i'll hitched someone. So today, i asked myself, "should i change myself just to impress men?" After a deep conversation with myself (yes i sometimes have a conversation with my inner self), i've came out with one resolution, it's not too late for a new year resolution kan? Hehe. I'm gonna change to be a better me but not to impress men. I'm gonna change because i need to change, because i wanna change and because it's my happiness over others that i need to chase. 

Sometimes i just wish people would stop asking me, "when am i going to get married?" When the time comes, he'll come. So for the time being i'm gonna go chase my happiness instead of chasing men to tie them down. Till then,

Lots of love,

Aqilah

Losing your manners over social media!

 Ok i know people would actually disagree with me on some matters that i'm gonna be writing today. But i just have that itchy feeling to write jugak. So bear with me please, this is just my P.O.V, you are more than welcome to disagree. So here goes. 

I just had the opportunity to watch the video about some girls going cuckoo over an accident with a cab (cycle of new data just start today, so ketinggalan sikit). Not taking side but i don't think shifting all the blames on the girls especially when the case is still under investigation is a right thing to do especially when we are just spectators who didn't witness the accident with our own two eyes. 3 cuts of videos DOES NOT portray the real incident. I have my own reasoning that i deduce from what i read and watch.

1. In one of the video, you can actually see the cab trying to hit the myvi so that the girls would stop. According to the pak cik, the girls were driving recklessly and almost/had hit them earlier, and they were chasing the girls until the petrol station. Ok, regardless of the pak cik story, i don't think the pak cik way of handling the matter showed maturity nor is he acting like the bigger man as someone who is older and wiser should have been. If your car was hit and run, why do you need to act like a road bully chasing them and provoking them further. Take the plat number, lodge a report at the police station. Case solved! But instead, he went on chasing them and provoking them ending up with not only the accident but the mess created by it.

2. I agree the choice of words that the girls uttered were rude and not what a lady should have said. But you can actually see that both sides are provoking each other with mean words. Being a human it's easy to lose your temper especially when you're being provoked. We also sometimes lose our temper over trivial things and simple misunderstanding. It's the way how we handled our emotion at that time shows our maturity. I'm not saying the girls should be forgiven for they are not matured yet. Like hello, who are we to  forgive them pun, it's not like they were being rude to us. The pak cik said that the girls should have not been rude to him and respect him as someone older than them. What we failed to realize is that respect doesn't go one way, it goes both ways, regardless of the age, gender or whatever other reason, both side should have respected each other. We can actually see that both side lacked in that aspect. From the girls point of view, how are we supposed to respect you when you were trying to hit us. From the pak cik point of view, i'm older and these girls should have not act rude towards me. In this situation both parties had acted like road bullies. Thus, strengthening the point i'm trying to say earlier, it's not fair to just blame the girls.

3. The girls showed some proof that the pak cik attacked them. The pak cik claimed that he was attacked first. Whatever it is, we are not at the right position to say which side is right and wrong just by mere here say. And to me, if the pak cik were attacked first, then he attacked them back as self defense is just not comprehendible, how can you compare a man strength with a girl strength. When i was "fighting" with my 14 years old nephew pun, i can't beat him. He should have been the bigger man, yet he loses his temper and hit them. Maybe he should have let his wife beat the girls instead (this is just a joke). But his wife pun, instead of calming her husband, continue provoking them. This is what we called adding fuel to the fire. (Nasib baik tak terbakar petrol station tue. Hehe)

4. About the father, ok i'm not a father nor a parents but i think it's just a parent instinct to protect their kids. Upon hearing his kids were hit and suffered pain, i guess he couldn't control his emotion, thus lead to his action. Yes, he shouldn't have done that, but i guess it's easier said than done. We are not in their shoes. Try and put ourselves in their shoes for a moment, can you guarantee that you would not have done the same thing. If you can objectively say that you won't, i'm sorry but there's not such thing as certainty especially when it deals with emotion. People tends to lose their rationality when emotions are involved. Right? 

So thus, i sincerely believe that, instead of blaming the girls 100%, we need to be fair as both sides were actually wrong. What should have been a simple accident case had turned to a big mess over both side ego and provocation. We as the outsider should not add fuel to the fire.

Alright done on the accident, as it went viral, people were vigorously bashing the girls for their rudeness towards the pak cik, that they themselves forgot to check in themselves. Your choice of words were no different than the girls pun. That's why  i really hate social media nowadays. People are losing their manners over social media. The primary reason for internet was to connect people, but why do i see so much hatred. I really hate scrolling down my facebook news feed especially nowadays you can see who commented on what post and what was their comment. It just changes my good impression of them. I'm very surprise with how some people throw their words on social media like nobody business, don't they realise once it's up there it's never coming down. Imagine having your kids on facebook and you went on bashing others that you dont even know with mean words. Once your kids see it, they would be like, ouh my dad said it, so it's okay for me to say it too. Then you go on saying other people are not setting a good example when you yourself are doing just the same thing. Who are we kidding, being hypocrite and just choosing whatever we like according to our preferential. It's very sad to see how the world and technologies are advancing yet our mentality is taking steps backward. Losing manners over social media, what next? Humanity? What else that needs to be sacrificed before we realise that bashing others (cyber bullying) have no benefits and just tearing us apart. 

my stand!!

bismillahirrahmannirrahim,

this is a post where i contemplated to write for quite a bit. but after giving it much thought, i think this is an important post as it explains my stand. if reading this post makes you think i'm directing it to you. yes it does. because i'm someone who dares to point out the point straightly without having the need to hide behind double meaning. 

funny world we're living in today, where people would attack first before asking. lol, even the basic personal liberty of a person laid out one is innocent until proven guilty. yet, in today society, one is labelled guilty even before going into trial. sad isn't it. well this happens to me quite recently, whereby i was attacked for my personal blog post that talks about my family. i seriously don't get it, so i can no longer share about my "happy" family without offending others? i thought we were suppose to share our happiness instead of promoting hatred. so i have to think five to six times before posting about what i learned from my parents so that i don't offend others? i mean come on, this is my blog. i'm entitled to share my feelings without having to submit to others approval right. excuse me, but this is my freedom to speech, it's a privilege that everyone is entitled to under the federal constitution. 

i'm sorry if you understood my writing differently but i'm only responsible for what i wrote and not for what you understood. if you understood my writing the wrong way, that's entirely your problem. attacking me for my personal liberty, well sorry to say this but that's rude. especially when you were reading it with a different meaning than what i intended it for. fyi, i could so sue you for harrasment. 

unfortunately common sense is no longer common anymore, you know what should be the common thing to do when you read my post, first you should have asked me, why am i writing it and to whom it was intended. and for that post, i think a regular human being would read it as me appreciating my parents presence in my life. but unfortunately you did not do what a common humanbeing would do. second common thing to do, if you don't like what i wrote, then don't read it. there's always that unfollow, unfriend and block button made available for you. if you must know, i'm not a big fan of vulgar words which you've always throw in your status. instead of paying attention to them, i just scroll down and leave it like a gentleman. so why can't you just ignore whatever i wrote if you don't like it. why are you picking fight over small ridiculous thing? 

my parents always taught me to be the bigger man by walking away from a fight which is not worth of my time. after giving my explanation which i totally don't need to, but i do so out of respect and just to clear things up and yet you don't appreciate my explanation and kept on picking fight. i knew that it does not worth any of my time because no matter what i wrote, you'll end up sticking to your side of story which is i'm the one to be blame. so i'm walking away but if you were to ever attack me again, just a reminder, this time i would not walk away. fool me once, joke on you, fool me twice joke on me. and i will not let you do that to me. 

lastly, just a reminder, my life does not revolve around you, nor your life revolve around mine. i have no time to be thinking about your problems as i do have my own problems too. simply because i don't show my struggle doesn't mean i'm not struggling with life. just that i wanted to be a more mature adult that solve my own problem and hide my struggle so that i would not burden people around me. honestly, i couldn't care less about your problem especially after how you screw me over. and please if you ever want to attack me, don't attack me on social media especially with a broken english. you're just making a fool out of yourself. like you said, i'm always right, picking a fight with a law student is not gonna be pretty. ouh, please know that i can be a bitch if i want to and that one door of hell you don't want to open. i might look all nice and kind, but when you see the biatch in me, trust me you'll never see me the same way ever again.

signing out with lots of love,

lalaqla

family?

adalah seorang hamba Allah nie call mengadu nasib tentang masalah keluarganya yang tak pernah aman. salah satu ayatnya, "kau lain la, family kau perfect, tak macam ktorg." pembetulan, family aku tak perfect, percayalah tiada satu pun family dalam dunia nie yang perfect. our family might seems perfect on the outside but the secret is we don't share our problems even with our extended family. we choose to sit down and talk out our problem most of the time. eventhough sometimes the problem is not resolved immediately but we get it solved by hook or by crook. i know it because i'm the problematic one in the family (middle child sindrom katanya) hehe. seriously, i'm one very thick headed girl who wants everything to be in  her way. in fact sometimes when i'm mad, sad, annoyed or frustrated, i would just silent or off my phone so that nobody can reach me. which most of the time causes worries to my parents most of the time. you could ask some of my bestfriends, my brother would go to the extend of contacting them if i'm out of reach. hehe. sorry mama ayah. i'm really glad that with all the tantrums i've throwed over the past 24 years, they're always forgiving and understand my mischieviousness. nasiblah mak bapak aku sanggup nak tahan perangai keras kepala tak nak dengar cakap aku kan. there's one thing that i've learned from my parents parenting style which is trust. my dad said this once to me, "ayah tau awak dah besar, dah boleh fikir baik buruk, so i trust you can make a wise decision for your life." heee. yes, my parents let me decide how i want to live my life. but with that being said, when such trust is put on you, whenever i feel like doing a bad thing, i'll always remember what my dad told me. he had put such trust on me, and i shall not betray that. so yeah, i'm a bit naughty but never over the limit.

another thing i've learned is that never spill your problem to outsider, especially on social media. because honestly, people who hear you out are either sincerely trying to help you, or would use that point to destroy you. so never give them the opportunity to destroy you. talking is good, but only talk to the people that you really trust and you believe would never spread or bad mouth about it to others. if you have a problem with a particular person, for god sake talk to that person. stop abusing the social media by bashing each other. internet is one dangerous world, once you post something it'll forever be there. and you know what's the funny thing, you guys are bashing each other on social media yet you guys are blocking each other. penyudahnya yang jadi penonton drama korg nie, akan bercerita pada org lain dgn versi yang ditokok tambah. maka bertambah lagi la salah faham dan masalah korg. so please people if you have problem, sit down and talk to each other. at least that's how our family do it, walaupun sometimes it takes awhile because sometimes we need a cooling period. yelah hati semua tengah panas, instead of hurting each other with words, better take some time to cool down before talking it out. we can never undo words after it being spoken, there's no delete button when it comes to blurting out words.

i really love the song by fynn jamal titled biar. it just hit me like dush dush dush. especially this part,

wahai ayahanda lihatlah 

aku melompat tinggi 

kerna disetiapnya kau tak pernah pergi

apa masih ingat lagi

aku suka lari lari

kau bagaikan tak peduli

ku biar kau patah hati

apa masih tidak lupa

tengking jerit sama2

makan tak mahu semeja

sahabat lebih berharga

i do have to admit, in fact most of us at our age tends to appreciate our friends presence way more than we appreciate our parents presence. which is a no no la. i know i've broke my parents hearts countless of time with my attitude but i sure am glad that di setiap jatuh dan bangunnya aku mereka sentiasa ada dibelakang utk membetulkan langkah aku. for that i'm very thankful. so i'm proud when people say that we have a perfect family, it may not be the perfect ideal family but they're my perfect imperfection. you dont get to choose who your family are, so make the best out of it. with all the problem we overcome, it makes the bond stronger, so don't sigh at problem, always remember that there's always a silver lining behind it all.

so to the kids, no matter how hurt you are, always remember how hard it was for them to raise you up. without them you'll never be where you are right now. if you're hurt, imagine how they felt. wouldn't they hurt too.

to the parents, please take some time to listen to your kids. dont just take them as a child. we do have our opinions and we want to be heard. 

ruginya la kita menghabiskan masa dengan perasaan benci dan marah pada satu sama lain bilamana ia sepatutnya digunakan utk kebersamaan. asas sesebuah ketamadunan dan masyarakat adalah keluarga, it's what the moral and lesson yang diterapkan dalam keluarga yang kita bawa ke dalam masyarakat. so for a better civilisation, let us strengthen our family bond and moral. 

last but not least, spread love not hatred.

signing out with love,

lalaqla

anti social

it's been awhile since i posted something. probably because there's not much to share anyway. life's getting boring and dull. i'm either to tired to have fun and be adventurous or usually i ended up enjoying something alone that later on i kinda felt sad because i didn't have anyone to share it with. i kinda have a feeling that i'm getting more anti social by days, honestly i don't think i've been making any effort in catching up with my friends. it's not that i don't want to but i guess sometimes i'm a bit afraid of rejection. not as in rejected like "no i dont want to be friend or hang out with you", more to like everyone would usually have things planned when i'm free or sometimes they dont even include me in there plan. woah, i'm not saying this because i'm offended but i totally understand that sometimes when you dont keep in touch with people on a daily or regular basis, people would tend to think that you're busy or you have something to attend to, that's why they didnt included you in their plan. so yeah, a bit of insecurity issue going on there especially when you see those people posting picture or updating their plan. but all is well because i, myself didnt even care to make any effort to be in touch. truth be told, i'm kinda tired of chasing people. i realised that whenever i chase people, i would usually end up being neglected or people dont take me seriously. can you understand why the insecurity kicks in? haha. all my life i've always been the one yg "terhegeh2" in friendship. probably people find that annoying, even i finds it annoying to sometimes, so this year in particular i decided not to be that "terhegeh2" girl anymore. i decided to be more independent which somehow turns me into a more anti soc girl. haha funny aint it. so nowadays whenever i felt like doing something, and feeling like i want some company, i would ask people if thay wanna tag along but if they said no or they're busy and yada yada. instead of cancelling the plan, i always end up doing what i wanted to do alone, be it watching movie or theatre, trying out new places and other activities. i realised that it's more fun and enjoyable to have company but the fun should not stop even if you don't have any company. omg, now i'm sounding like a forever alone girl, which kinda suits me right now. being anti soc is sometimes sad and depressing but i've realised that u cant always seek people to follow my desire especially when everyone now has their own commitment. so what this anti soc have in store for future, probably a solo trip somewhere. hehe. but i kinda have the feeling that it would be hard to get approval from my parents to travel alone especially being a girl and blah blah blah. probably i should try and plan a solo trip somewhere in malaysia before planning a solo trip abroad, probably after a few solo trip in malaysia, my parents would be less reluctant to let me go abroad alone. finger crossed. hehe. 

i used to dream of travelling around the world with my mr. right. but probably there's gonna be few ammendment before i could achieved that. somehow i'm not convinced that i would end up getting married anytime soon nor later. i mean, come on if you were to think about it, i havent finish my degree, and my mama said to finish my study first before getting married. by the time i finished studying, it's gonna be awhile to find the right one. then time flies, and there goes my youth. see, why i'm not convinced bout me getting married. i might end up like the story old lady with 19 cats (is it?) except that instead of cat, because i kinda have a lil fear ( not fear la but geli) with kucing, i might end up with 19 different gaming stuff. hahaha. 

ok this anti soc kinda dh merepek sgt, and it's almost 4am, i better sign out and get some sleep. adiossss

signing out with love,

lalaqla

3.59am 

12:9:2014

being friendzoned?

you know when it's about exam period, i'll always end up thinking about weird weird stuff. for this exam period plak, i ended up thinking bout how i always end up in the friendzone situation.

i've always been the plain girl. daripada sekolah lagi aku selalu jadi the 'hot' girl sidekick. haha. nak buat mcm mana kawan2 aku semua lawa -lawa wei. lagi-lagi aku nie gemuk. memang cerita dia orang tak pandang la aku kan. mungkin sebab tue la aku selalu kena friendzone coz people would be more interested to get to know my friends than me. kadang-kadang aku yang jadi messenger diorg. peh, kalau time tue aku tgh syok kt si A nie pastu kena jadi messenger dia, pedih wei. tapi kan aku kawan yang taat, redha jer la tgk org yang aku suka usha kawan aku kn. hahaha.

dan oleh kerana aku nak clear kn otak aku pasal benda-benda mcm nie, aku pun tanya la a few of my bestfriend (lelaki) psl kenapa aku selalu kena friendzone. aku tanya lelaki psl yelah, we are dealing with guys opinion on me kn. dan sebenarnya kalau kau tanya kawan perempuan kau, they'll tend to be more bias towards you. so mmg kau takkan dapat la jawapan yang kau nak.

this are the responses that i got 3 different guy.

1. he went on and on about how i haven't find the right one. about the love you deserve, basically all the self-discovery journey thingy la. which obvious doesn't really answer my question but what he said was actually true. i don't need to put myself don't for something i don't think deserving. so until then i should just enjoy my life and get to know myself, love myself better before actually trying to love someone else.

2. he said i'm just not his type. cis. macamlah i'm talking bout being friendzoned by him. but what i liked from his answer is that the most easily swayed of the human part is our hearts. sbb tue tuhan surah jaga hati kita baik2, we might be friend today but tomorrow we might fall in love, siapa tahu. wow, terkedu kejap with his answer. i guess he's right. because love is actually a mysterious thing. lagi pun jodoh pertemuan tue semua rahsia Allah. cuma masa jer yang belum pasti kan.

3. yang nie jawapan x habis lagi, pasal x sempat nak abeskn conversation. dia cakap aku nie baik sgt, sampai org selalu take advantage and take me for granted. haha, baik memanglah baik tapi as everyone know aku nie jenis yang pendam mcm volcano, u tick the wrong button, and i'll explode. so beware la ya. hehehe


it's interesting to actually take some time and talk to the opposite side. sebab the way they perceived something is different from how we view it. haha, damn you exam stress, pelik2 jer benda yang aku end up serabut bila exam nie. bukannya stress psl study. aduyai...


signing out with love,

lalaqla

falling for the bestfriend

ok before continue reading this post, sila jgn ada apa2 thought of me falling for anyone at the moment or i'm in a relationship. ok? this is just a post which i got inspired by one of my friend status on facebook. so here goes:

falling for the bestfriend (this only refer to different gender bestie relationship). hurm, ada org ckp lelaki dgn perempuan x blh jd bestfriend sbb someone will definitely ruin the relationship by falling for  the other one. to me falling for the bestfriend is normal, more like a phase in the friendship. cuma bezanya how we deal with that feeling which will decide what the outcome will be. there's few outcome that i've experience la. yes i'm talking from experience, karang org ckp, "ala you wont understand, you've never been there". haha, aku rasa aku manusia yg plg selalu kne friendzone kot. tue yg jd loner skrg kot. hahahaha. so here's some of the situation i've been through ( silalah baca embarassing cerita aku) (remind me again why i'm embarassing myself).

1. so you fall for your bestfriend tp kau tak berani nk bgtau dia psl kau x nk ruin the relationship. kau pun telan perasaan kau sorg2, 2 years later bila korg dh in two different places far from each other, penyudahnya kau come clean psl feeling kau dulu (dulu: means kau dh x de feeling lg yer). tadaaaa: rupa2nya dia pun pernah ada feeling dkt kau, guess what you guys had just missed the 'moment'. sudahnya korg pun sama2 gelak psl dua2 bodoh tak mau confess dulu. since dua2 dh x de feeling for each other, korg pn still end up jd bestie. no hard feeling and hidden feeling since korg dh come clean. al makanya friendship korg makin best. 

2. so you fall for the bestie again tapi kali nie bestie kau tgh in a relationship dgn another friend of yours. since kau x nk ruin the relationship and hilang friendship, kau pun diam2 telan perasaan kau tgk diorg bersweet2. chill, lama2 bila kau tgk diorg kau akn slowly concede feeling kau psl kau akn rasa happy with their relationship mcm pepatah if you love somebody, you'll be happy to see them happy. 

3. ok kali nie kau fall pada bestie yg bru lps broke up, tgh fragile. kau nie pun beria la jd pendengar paling setia dgn harapan yg he could see i'm right here. sgt drama2 tv wei, cuma dlm drama selalu happy ending la. in this case blh gak jd happy ending psl maybe you are the one he's been looking for. tp jgn la berharap sgt psl hidup nie it's not always about happy ending. tp entah2 hujung2 kau end up jd rebounce dia or dia end up cri perempuan lain or end up dia balik dgn ex dia. sudah dia kau makan hati blk. 

4. kau fall for bestie kau psl pe? psl dia gentleman habis even with his friends. sygnya kau mistook that and kau pun fall for him. tp kau tak berani nk confess, you see him get in to a relationship, got out of relationship, listen to his stories masa in relationship, bila dia break up. tp kau telan jer feeling kau psl kau sgt friendship korg, yg kau mcm agk sure kalo ko confess msti korg akn stop talking. al makanya telan la perasaan tue smpi mati wei.

5. kau confess, things get awkward. you guys stop talking to each other. x pe wei in future, korg akn sit down time reunion or gathering, confirm korg akn gelak kn that moment. 

so, to confess or not? sebenarnya ikt kau, kalo ko berani nk take the risk, go ahead. there's always two outcome, the happy one and the other one. it's not wrong to chase your own happiness tp be prepared la with the worse outcome ever psl x semua yg kau plan and kau nak akn dpt kn. at the end of the day, it will either make the friendship stronger or you'll end up with more life experiences. so chill, take a deep breath and decide what you wanna do with your feeling.

p/s: aku pun sebenarnya msih hidup dlm fantasi bestfriend to lover jugak. byk sgt tgk drama aku nie. hahaha.



singning out with love,


lalaqla